Hellboy 2 (2008)

Too bad Hell Boy 2 had to be a blockbuster. You see, in blockbusters shit blows up, concrete is torn from the ground and your senses are sent to an overwhelmed plane that only Michael Bay truly understands. The problem here is that director Guillermo Del Toro has crafted such intricate and innovative monsters that the explosions distract from what is actually interesting about the film. The monsters have such life that just watching them walking around and twitch is enthralling, but then, oh wait, what? I guess they have to fight now.

The same problem afflicts the film’s protagonists. Hellboy and his crew of misfits (Jeffery Tambor!) are the first group of superheroes that you would actually want to hang out with. They share a goofy sense humor that’s infectious and when Hellboy and Abe get drunk and sing sappy love songs it’s transcendent. But the movie quickly moves from engaging camaraderie to world-saving, which means less interaction and, ironically, less fun. Also a few things just don’t work; Abe’s love story falls painfully short of awkward-funny and the preening villain only moves via slow motion back flip (at one point he cuts a rain drop in half. Did we learn nothing from the Matrix Revolutions?)

But this movie is better than its predecessor. Ron Peralman is great, the monsters are dazzling and everyone seems like they are having a blast. Let’s just hope that in Del Toro’s next film the hobbits get more time to chill out and banter.

Wanted (2008)

Every few decades or so, I get to watch a movie that has absolutely everything: amazing characters, genius plot, bullet time, moistened cleavage... "Wanted" is that movie. I saw it, I saw it again, and I'm watching a bootlegged version of it that I downloaded off of LimeWire right now.

This is the greatest movie I have ever seen.

Grade: B+

Wanted (2008)

Sometimes the hardest part about reviewing a film is admitting that you actually went to see it. This movie lured me with promises of bullet time and slightly moistened cleavage. I paid ten dollars.

It was a really shitty movie guys.

Grade: D+

Network (1976)

If you were wondering what movie George Clooney has been trying to make for the past decade, look no further then Network, an eloquent satire of sensationalized news. The film was meant as comedy but the humor hit so close to home, it was interpreted as a drama by the Academy and given the award for best picture. There are some really brilliant moments, such as the network pioneering reality TV by paying terrorists to film their bank heists and kidnappings and the accurate prediction of Rupert Murdock’s monopolistic media clusterfuck. But the best joke comes from the film’s enduring catch phrase, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!” Screaming it sure makes citizens feel better but doing so changes nothing and ultimately shows how Limbaugh-ian anger is manipulated for ratings.

The film is not always subtle (at one point the protagonist tells other characters what they symbolize) and any character, no matter how minor, might erupt into an expressive monologue at any time, but this is all part of the movie’s urgent charm.

Grade: A+